Tangled Up In You: A Rogue Series Novel Read online

  “Actually, I’m not one to make assumptions or talk down to others—not even in retaliation for the same thing being done to me.”

  Gavin opened his mouth, hesitated, and then pressed his lips together. He furrowed his brow as he watched her in silence, and she got the sense he was trying to figure her out.

  “Oh, would you look what you’ve done,” a girl to Sophie’s left said.

  The girl had a severe, but cute bob cut to her chocolate brown hair. Heavy makeup covered her eyes and multiple earrings filled her lobes. But her genuine smile made her instantly trustworthy to Sophie.

  “What?”

  “You’ve done the impossible. You’ve shut up Gavin McManus. Fair play to you.” She gave Sophie a round of applause and Gavin smiled sourly. “I’m Felicity, by the way. Look, class is about to start, but I want you to promise me we’ll have lunch together. You can tell me all about America, yeah?”

  Sophie readily agreed and was initiated that day into a large circle of friends, including Gavin.

  ~

  “Sophie! Come sit here, my dear,” Felicity called when Sophie entered the large lunch room filled with tables and chairs. She pushed some room between herself and a dark-haired boy.

  The crowd quieted and watched as Sophie joined them. Under the heat of all the attention, Sophie crossed her legs and smoothed her skirt, desperate for some distraction.

  “All right, everyone,” Felicity said, standing up, “since none of yous could mind your own bloody business, even if you actually tried, this is my new best mate in all the world, Sophie. She’s from the States.”

  Sophie was grateful for the way Felicity assumed the role of guide and protector. It changed the course of not just her day, but her whole stay in Ireland.

  A few kids said hello and Sophie smiled shyly in return.

  “So, how are you enjoying our sunshine and prosperity?” the boy next to Sophie asked.

  Sophie laughed. “It’s overwhelming,” she replied.

  “My name’s Conor. Good to meet you,” he said. “Where is it you’re from?”

  “California,” Gavin interrupted as he moved closer to them.

  “And how do you know that, Gav?” Conor asked.

  “Just look at that Baywatch tan—doesn’t that say it all?”

  The crowd tittered and Sophie’s stomach dropped at the unwanted attention. He was clearly the one they all looked to and now he was setting the tone for how she should be viewed. The hint of schoolyard meanness was Deja vu all over again.

  “Oh, so you’re going to pretend that I didn’t tell you I was from California? Just so you can show off?” she asked and the group quieted. The instinct to push back against Gavin’s taunts surprised her once more. Maybe this trip had been a good decision after all. She felt renewed confidence.

  “You smartarse, Gav,” Conor said. “Don’t give the new kid hassle. You’ve probably frightened her to death of all Irishmen.”

  “I don’t think she’s frightened at all,” Gavin said, locking eyes with her.

  That same feeling of connection swept over her and she was drawn to him all over again, despite their combative episodes. Their gaze was broken when a girl wrapped her arm around Gavin and kissed him on the cheek.

  Gavin turned to her and kissed her full on the mouth, and the crowd howled appreciatively. She had long, unruly dark brown hair framing a broad, freckled face. She was plain and a tad plump and yet, Sophie was jealous.

  Sophie turned distractedly to Conor. She noticed for the first time the striking way his blue eyes contrasted with this black hair and brows. His cheekbones were high and his jawline sharp, but the edges were softened by thick eyelashes and a quick smile.

  “You okay, Sophie?” he asked.

  “Um, yeah. I think I’m still jet-lagged, though.” With a quick glance, she saw that Gavin had pulled away from his girlfriend and was watching her interaction with Conor.

  “So, have you had a chance yet to see Dublin at all?” Conor asked.

  “I did get a bit of the tourist’s view over the weekend.”

  “Ah, let’s see, that would be Grafton Street, Trinity Library, and St. Patrick’s Cathedral?” he asked, and she laughed and nodded. “You’ll have to see the city with more of an insider’s feel. I could show you some unique spots.”

  “Unique?” The way he was looking at her conveyed more than a friendly invitation.

  “You know, places off the beaten path—”

  “Word to the wise, darlin’, Conor’s me best mate, but I would be careful. He’s a heartbreaker!” Gavin said and laughed.

  “Fuck off, Gav,” Conor returned amiably.

  “Oh, yeah? Put ‘em up, pretty boy,” he replied and fell into a boxing stance.

  Conor rose and the two held up fists but when they swiped at each other it was with an open hand, trying to land a slap rather than a punch.

  “Boys—they’re nothing but hormones, aye?” Felicity asked with a nod to the two of them.

  “Seems that way. Is that girl Gavin’s . . . .”

  “Well that’s about rightly put. Her name’s Mary, by the way. Don’t know if he considers it serious. He’s a bit of a player, always running with someone new. Don’t tell me you’re interested?” Felicity asked. “With the way he’s treated you today?”

  “Oh, no,” Sophie said. “I was just curious.”

  Felicity watched her new friend for a moment and then nodded sagely. “Well, let me give you the lay of the land, so to speak. You’ve met Gavin and Conor, yeah?”

  Sophie nodded and watched the two continue to swipe at each other as their friends cheered them on. Mary stood to the side, her eyes fixed on Gavin.

  “They’ve been best mates since God was a boy. They started a band together, too.”

  “A band?”

  Felicity threw Sophie a knowing glance. “Sexy, yeah? Young rockers. Gavin’s the singer—got a nice voice, really, Conor plays guitar. And see that fella over there?”

  Sophie followed her nod and saw a lanky boy on the outskirts. He was sitting by himself with headphones on and head bowed. His strawberry-blond hair fell over his eyes but she recognized him from earlier.

  “That’s Shay—drummer. He’s so wrapped up in music that a lot of us suspect he doesn’t even know what a girl is,” Felicity said with a laugh.

  “It can’t be that bad,” Sophie said. “He seems sweet.”

  “He’s hopeless. Just try talking to him—you’ll see. He won’t be able to string two words together. It’s a bit of a joke.”

  “Aw, poor thing.”

  “Ah, he takes it all in stride. Anyway, last, but not least . . . see that one there?” She pointed to a stocky boy with an affable smile. “That’s Martin—the bass player. He’s positively heartsick over a Prod from the north. It’s a whole saga. But I’ll tell you more about that later. Now, you tell me all about you, love.”

  Sophie spent the rest of the break doing as Felicity asked. The lunch break ended much too quickly, Sophie thought, and without any other chances to find more out about Gavin. As they all dispersed to go to their next classes, Sophie watched Gavin move away with his arm around Mary. Before the two disappeared around the corner, he looked back at her and winked, setting the teasing tone he would continue with her for the next several weeks.

  ~

  “Oh!” Rachel started and everyone turned to her. Sophie was forced to be present with her group of friends at the bar near USC once more. “You do know that your husband is in town this weekend, right, Sophie?”

  “What?”

  “Rogue is playing two nights at the Palladium.”

  “I, uh, I didn’t realize.” Sophie’s cheeks burned and her heart thudded at the thought of Gavin being within reach.

  “Maybe you can work your magic to get tickets!” Gracelyn said. “And backstage passes! Their guitarist is so hot!”

  “Oh, but what about the shy one? The drummer? He’s cute,” Rachel said.

  “That’s S
hay,” Sophie said.

  “What kind of name is Shay?”

  “It’s short for Seamus. Only, his parents were these weird, checked-out people. They didn’t even bother to put the full name on his birth certificate. It was like they never understood what having kids meant and let him and his brother raise themselves. Gavin always called him Seamus, though. It was sweet.”

  “Um, okay . . . anyway, do you think we can get another round of drinks?” Zach asked.

  Clearly, Zach didn’t believe this bit of inside information. The group went off on another tangent and Sophie was happy to turn her thoughts to her first encounter with Shay.

  “Don’t do it,” Felicity had warned, “he’ll take one look at you, see this pretty blonde and faint before he can conjure a word to you!”

  She was talking about Shay. This was the fourth lunch they had all shared and also the fourth time Sophie had seen Shay isolating himself by getting lost in his headphones. Sophie had suggested she try to get him to let his guard down and be more sociable, much to Felicity’s amusement.

  “It can’t be that bad!” Sophie said. “And besides, I like a challenge.”

  “All right, then. Have at it!”

  Sophie stood up and headed toward Shay. She glanced back and saw Felicity and Conor huddled together as they watched the scene unfold. She also saw Gavin interrupt his own storytelling to a different part of their group to see where she was going.

  Despite the fact that she had never been one to seek out attention, she was emboldened by it now. Stopping in front of Shay, she waited a moment for him to look up and acknowledge her. As usual, he was hunched over with headphones on. When he continued to stare at the ground, she heard some giggles behind her. Refusing to be dissuaded, she bent over at the waist, inadvertently providing the view that would get Shay’s attention.

  When he looked up, he was right at eye level with a teasing glimpse of her bra-covered breasts through the front of her shirt. With flushed cheeks, he jumped to his feet and took a step away. The scene elicited a few hoots and more snickering, which only made Sophie more determined. Wasn’t Shay their friend? This felt too much like the mean behavior she had endured.

  “I’m sorry,” Sophie said, smiling. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  Shay responded with silence and furrowed brows.

  Sophie slowly reached out to him and gently pulled the headphones from his ears. “Hi. Shay, right?”

  Shay nodded, dumbfounded.

  “I’m Sophie. I’m new here—from America. I just wanted to introduce myself.”

  There was a long silence as she waited for Shay to say something.

  “I’m Shay,” he finally said and then blushed again. “Shite—you already know that.”

  The group broke out into riotous laughter and applause at Shay’s faux pas. He looked down and started to put his headphones back on.

  “Wait,” Sophie whispered, stopping him. “Take my hand, say something sweet. Anything.”

  Shay hesitated, glancing at his friends, who continued to laugh and make jokes at his expense. Then he took her hand in his.

  “Well, then, it’s lovely to meet you,” he said.

  “That’s so nice of you, Shay. Thanks so much,” Sophie said. She leaned forward and kissed his cheek.

  “Yeah, Shay!” Felicity shouted and was joined by most of the others.

  The incident created an unspoken bond between Sophie and Shay, as she thereafter made sure he was actively engaged in their group. Thinking of that now left her anxious to see how he had changed after these few years. All she had to do was somehow not only get tickets to Rogue’s show, but also get backstage.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Sound check had gone well, but Gavin couldn’t shake his uneasiness. While his bandmates made their way backstage to cool down and grab a bite to eat, he lingered at the mic. They had played to a sold-out crowd at the four-thousand person capacity Hollywood Palladium the previous night, but it was quiet now, with only the occasional tinkering by the sound and light engineers.

  Gripping the microphone with both hands and looking up, Gavin focused on the large chandelier at the back of the wide, curved room. It seemed such a Los Angeles thing to have that type of extravagant light fixture in the same place where thousands of sweaty kids would get lost in rock music. Something about the way the changing theatrical lights made the stage glimmer blue and violet, then amber and red brought Sophie to mind. A familiar ache returned.

  She had been there at the start of things, as he and the boys were getting serious about the idea that they could get it together enough to be a real band. And she had been the first one outside of the band to grant him legitimacy as a songwriter and musician. Before they were officially together, she had impressed him with her—general, if not in-depth—music knowledge. As she became a regular in their group, she joined Felicity in watching the band fumble in early sessions. She would linger afterward, indulging him in meandering conversations.

  “So, what’s the name of the band, anyway?” she had asked in one of their first real talks.

  “Good question. We can’t seem to settle on one. Any ideas?”

  Sophie thought a moment. “Well, what inspires you?”

  Gavin looked at her in surprise. He had been kidding. It hadn’t occurred to him that this American would be halfway interested in the minutia of the band.

  “How do you mean?” he asked.

  “As far as music, I mean. Who has inspired you to do this, to be a singer?”

  “There’s quite a few on that list. John Lennon, Joe Strummer, Jeff Buckley, Liam Gallagher, Bono—of course. But, David Bowie most of all.”

  “For a name, then, I’d say think about what exactly they inspire in you. What do you love about the way their music makes you feel? Maybe something will sound right if you do that. For a name, I mean.”

  Gavin smiled at her and was again struck by her thoughtfulness. She had a generous way about her. What he had seen her do with Shay was no fluke. She couldn’t possibly have known what her kindness meant to Shay. He was a kid who didn’t ask for much—was, in fact, painfully shy—but yet also appreciated, and even craved, attention.

  “It’s just an idea. I bet it probably sounds really stupid, right? I—”

  “No, it’s brilliant, Sophie.” He hesitated before continuing. “Actually, do you know Bowie’s song ‘Heroes’?”

  “Sure.”

  “I got stuck on a line in it. It goes,” he said and then sung a few lines about being lovers and nothing keeping them together, followed by “We could steal time, just for one day”

  He was momentarily distracted by the effect his singing seemed to have on her. She was watching him with a far-off look, a trace of a smile on her lips. And he wanted desperately to kiss her in that moment. But he had Mary. She had proclaimed her status as his girlfriend a few days before the start of school, making sure everyone knew it. He hadn’t minded at the time because he didn’t take it seriously. Now, it seemed terribly inconvenient.

  “What I get stuck on,” he said, forcing himself to continue, “is the part about stealing time. It’s such a powerful idea, you know, to be able to create a space in which there is a chance to get it right, to say the right things . . . .”

  Sophie nodded encouragingly.

  “And then I think maybe it’s not just about wanting to steal time, but to still time. There are some moments that you never want to end, some times that you wish to freeze and linger in—”

  “And isn’t it amazing that that’s what you have the power to do with songwriting?” she asked excitedly.

  “Do I?”

  “Yes, you do. You can capture a moment, a feeling, so precisely in a song that it will live forever. It will always be what you felt at the time. And the most amazing thing is that everyone else gets a chance to claim it as their own depending on how they interpret it. That’s what’s so beautiful about music.”

  That was the moment when he was truly lost to
her. It manifested as the sensation of falling, as if mistiming the step off the curb. The resulting dizziness made him smile.

  ~

  That euphoria had lasted the whole school year. But when he thought of her now, the joy was overwhelmed by the sting of her rejection. He had wanted her to stay in Ireland with him instead of returning to the States. First he pitched it as her breaking free from her parents’ expectations of school and other conformities, inviting her to travel with the band to London where they planned to scrape together gigs. When she rejected that idea, he accused her of lacking an artist’s soul. He’d said she would never survive without the cushy lifestyle of her rich parents. Neither was true, but he’d been unable to keep from lashing out. She was the truest thing he had ever known or felt beyond music and letting her go was unfathomable.

  Which is why he asked her in all seriousness to marry him. It was a last ditch effort on the way to the airport, sure, but he had meant it. He would have married her as soon as it was legally allowed, when they were both eighteen in just over a year. But she scoffed and that fractured his heart.

  They had tried to keep in touch but with each effort he felt the pain of having lost her, of her leaving. Resentment for her lack of commitment to him, for her inability to be adventurous and take a leap of faith, gnawed at him. She had spent the better part of the school year helping him turn his pretense of confidence in himself and his musical ambitions into the real thing, and as a result he was prepared to risk everything to make his band a success. But she obviously couldn’t conceive of taking a similar risk for him. The fact that she was not even seventeen years old at the time didn’t alter his stubborn, idealized vision of how things should be.

  It didn’t occur to him that this revision of history was not only unfair to Sophie but also diminished the unique experience they had shared. His tendency to romanticize things meant he’d rather turn it into a case of tragic love where he was the victim. It was the defense mechanism he had relied on for more years than he cared to admit.